what contentment is not

Several weeks ago, someone made a comment to me about my singleness that slowly evolved into mild anxiety about where I am in life. Am I doing enough? Am I going to suddenly wake up at the age of 50 still single and it's all my fault because I didn't try hard enough or go to every single social event?

A few days later, I met with a sweet friend who spoke truth and encouragement to me about this. If I really believe that God is sovereign, than I can rest instead of worry that I'm somehow missing out in life. It's all about His purposes and His plans, not my personal agenda or timeline, anyway. I can also rest, knowing that He is a kind and loving Father, and He will provide for all of my needs. I don't always know what that will look like, but I can trust that He is going to carry me through life and that His ways are better than my own.

Anyways, when I was questioning my whereabouts and direction in life (i.e. do I need to rearrange my life in order to be chasing men), my friend asked me - what would you change about your life?

I honestly answered her - I would change nothing.

I really truly enjoy my life. So I'm not dating anyone and there are no prospects right now. I'm OK with that. Is that completely weird and alien? I have a wonderful job, a wonderful roommate, friends, volunteer work and other hobbies that keep me busy . . . I know that God is calling me to know Him more and the most important thing is my relationship with Him, not a particular status, relationship, position or achievement level.

It reminds me of a sermon that I've mentioned at least once before - "Learning Contentment" by Beau Hughes. At one point, he says:

What are you afraid to be content about because you believe God will leave you there if you grew content? 

So many singles I talked to at the singles conference were actually afraid to nurture a heart of contentment in regards to their singleness because they were afraid that God would just leave them there if they became content in singleness.

We are afraid that if we are content, then God will leave us in our same circumstances. It seems so silly, doesn't it? Yet, I would be lying if I told you I never had this thought.

It's OK to be content with where God has you, and it doesn't mean that God will just leave you in your current stage of life. God is always teaching us to depend on Him and trust Him in a deeper way . . . whether that's in a season of waiting or a season of transition and new circumstances.

cultivating contentment

The very first thought that I had when I woke up on Saturday was this: Where is my life going? I thought that I would be married or at least in a relationship at age 28 . . . is my life measured by my circumstances and stage of life? Does this mean I've missed the boat or I'm a failure in some sense?

And boom. There is was. Discontentment, anxiety, comparing myself to my peers, trying to measure my life in perceived success/failure, trying to fulfill the timeline or milestones that I dreamed up in my head.

I had to remind myself to look beyond my circumstances, to trust God one day at a time, to go back to His promises. But how easily I forget these things. I feel like life is a constant struggle and fight for contentment.

I know I have posted about this before, but I need reminding of it more often than I'd like to admit.

Beau Hughes preached this sermon on learning contentment a few years ago and I have to go back to it at least once a year.

There were a few quotes that really stood out to me and so I thought I'd throw them on here :)

“Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.”
- Jeremiah Burroughs

 “Contentment is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord at His disposal.” So when we use the word “contentment,” that’s what we mean. One who is content in a gospel-centered way is one who has no higher ambition than to be at the Lord’s disposal. It is one who says, “The aim of my life is for God to do with me whatever He wills. Because He is my Father and I trust Him." - Beau Hughes

“These words show us that contentment 
is not a natural propensity of man. ‘Ill weeds grow apace.’ Covetousness, discontent, and murmuring are as natural to man as thorns are to the soil. We need not sow thistles and brambles; they come up naturally enough, because they
 are indigenous to earth: and so, we need not teach men to complain; they complain fast enough without any education. But the precious things of the earth must be cultivated. If we would have wheat, we must plough and sow; if we want flowers, there must be the garden, and all the gardener’s care. Now, contentment is one of the flowers of heaven, and if we would have it, it must be cultivated; it will not grow in us by nature; it is the new nature alone that can produce it, and even then we must be specially careful and watchful that we maintain and cultivate the grace which God has sown in us.”- Charles Spurgeon 

I also remember J.D. saying, "The biggest thing God is teaching you is to trust Him, so faith usually leads you through difficulty, not around it."

It's comforting to know that contentment is a process. We're not going to master it overnight, and it's normal to struggle with this. I think it's a daily choice, and like Spurgeon says, we must cultivate it.

What does it look like to nurture contentment in our own lives? What disciplines, activities, people, environments help you to grow contentment?

I attended a women's conference where Elyse Fitzpatrick was speaking on contentment. She said that it doesn't matter what season of life you're in, there is always something you feel that you need in order to be happy. I was really tempted not to believe this . . . because, how often do I think that if I was married and had kids, then I would feel like my life was going somewhere?

But her words were really refreshing (once I accepted them) . . . and it was a such a good reminder. That our peace is really found in Christ, not a certain set of circumstances. It frees me from thinking that I need those things in order to be happy or have a meaningful life.

a perspective change

 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
James 1:17

"In normal life we hardly realize how much more we receive than we give, and life cannot be rich without such gratitude."
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I recently read this devotional by Mars Hill, titled "God never gives the wrong gifts" that was centered on James 1:9-11, 16-18. 

Mark Driscoll also preached this sermon on it. Both are awesome.

I have found that it's not natural to have a heart of gratitude. 

It's easier to focus on the things that you don't have, isn't it?

But when you take a step back and realize that everything, everything you have is a gift that God has freely given in His grace (undeserved, unmerited favor) . . . it changes things.

Instead of focusing on your unmet longings, your eyes are opened to how much you truly have . . . and it even becomes overwhelming.

It's good to reflect on this, to even make a list of things, blessings, gifts that you have been given. It will change your perspective, lift your gaze and your spirit.

I started this exercise today, and there is just so much to be thankful for. It's everything from being thankful that God chose to pursue me and have a relationship with me, to being thankful that I have health, that I have freedom and security in this country, for the comfort of a friend, for the smell of coffee in the morning, the sound of birds singing . . . and life suddenly becomes that much more beautiful.

irrational thoughts

As a woman, I find that it's easy to have irrational thoughts . . . and I know I can't be the only one. We have a way of letting our imaginations run away with us, and things get a little bit out of control.

Yesterday, I found myself convinced that I have reached the pinnacle of my existence. Yup. At 28 years of age, this is it. It's all downhill after this.

One day I will wake up and not have an awesome roommate, I won't have any friends, I will be completely alone, my mind and body will be falling apart and I will have nothing left to give or do.

So, I guess I better cling tight to what I do have now before it all gets taken away.

WHAT!

Thankfully, I woke up today feeling a little more . . . normal.

Also, I was able to realize that there are so many things going wrong when I start to have those thoughts.

First of all, I am making a statement - whether I acknowledge it or not. I am accusing God of not loving me, not being a good Father, not being a provider and not having a plan for my life. I am saying that my way is best, and if I don't get the things I want, my life must be meaningless.

I am also saying that He is not enough. And that my life must not be that great.

As Matt Chandler puts it in this sermon, "Coveting, when all is said and done, is an accusation against God that he doesn't care about you, provide for you, or give you what you need."

I am so thankful that my irrational thoughts and my feelings are not reality. 

God is loving, His mercies are new every day, He is a perfect Father, He is the provider of all my wants and needs . . . (even if I don't get what I want or think I need) . . . He is the only one who can completely fulfill and satisfy.

My life and your life is not measured by the acquisition of things, accomplishments, relationships, what people think of you, or any circumstance. As much as the world tells us that it is.

Scripture says that Jesus came to give us life to the fullest. To give us true life . . . to know and have an eternal relationship with the One who created us and saved us. He is the greatest blessing.

No matter what the future holds, we are called to trust Him, and He is trustworthy. I have to hold onto Him, not my stuff. If He is who He says He is, the Creator of the universe holds us in His hand. Everything has to be OK because we are His. When I think about that, I am able to rest.


addendum: this post on relevant that my sweet roommate just shared with me: Life Won't Begin at Your Next Milestone is super good.  
“The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” - Elisabeth Elliott