Patience

"Patience is love for the long haul; it is bearing up under difficult circumstances, without giving up or giving in to bitterness. Patience means working when gratification is delayed. It means taking what life offers - even if it means suffering - without lashing out. And when you're in a situation that you're troubled over or when there's a delay or pressure on you or something's not happening that you want to happen, there's always a temptation to come to the end of your patience. You may well have lost your patience before you're aware of it."

"Right now, is God delaying something in your life? Are you ready to give up? Are you impatient with him? There may be a crucial factor that you just don't have access to. The answer . . . is to trust Jesus."

- Tim Keller

randomness

Completely random . . .

I was just thinking about how I have certain co-workers who have taken me under their wing . . . who have much more experience than I do - and when I face an unfamiliar situation, I feel safer, knowing that they are there.

Then I thought about life in general - how we all have people in our lives who have taken us in, who make us feel safe when we are in their presence.

And if another human can make us feel this way, imagine how secure and firm our standing is when we have our Heavenly Father cradling our very lives in His hands.

The Creator of the universe, the one who has always been . . . an infinite and personal God who desires to care for us, fulfill us and give us life. We are safe beneath His wings - more than I can wrap my mind around.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
-Psalm 91:4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
-Psalm 56:3

Just a Shadow

"Earthly pleasures, C.S. Lewis famously said, were supposed to function like rays of the sun that direct us back to their source. As the ray warms our face, we look up along the ray to its source . . . as Jonathan Edwards said, 'pleasure is the ray, God's love is the sun. Pleasure is the shadow, God's love is the substance. Pleasure is the stream, God's love is the ocean.'"
- from Gospel by J.D. Greear

Admiring a sunrise this week, I found myself thinking - this is the glory of God. Wait, no . . . this is but a mere shadow of what's to come, when God's glory is fully revealed. God is glorified in this moment, in beauty, in creation, but it's just a miniscule taste. And Jesus is so much more beautiful and more captivating than all the sunrises that ever existed - and in that, my heart rejoices.

 “No eye has seen,
   no ear has heard,
   no mind has conceived
  what God has prepared for those who love him”
1 Corinthians 2:9

more rest

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
^{- Colossians 2:13-15}

Whenever I return my gaze to the Gospel, my heart comes alive. 

I tend to derive my self-worth from busyness, productiveness, trying to hold it together, etc. It's so easy to think that I have to keep going, keep adding more to my schedule, keep pouring out, keep working. 

But in that, I lose my focus. I lose perspective. I gravitate inward and try to be self-sufficient and do life on my own. I quickly run out of steam, but keep going . . . thinking that I have to do more for God, do more in order to gain approval - whether that's approval from myself or approval from God.

It seems counter-intuitive to just sit, to soak up the Gospel. To rest in Him. But once I am completely filled with Him, I overflow - and it's a natural process. It's effortless, even.

And in returning to the Gospel . . . you are reminded of so much. If God saved me and made me alive when I was dead . . . if I know that I did nothing to obtain His love and salvation, then why do I think I have to work to keep that love? 

Oh, to rest in truth. To set your gaze upward. To quit listening to yourself, but preach truth to yourself. To ask your Creator who He says you are, not who you (or other people) say you are.

He must increase . . .

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
   he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
    for his name’s sake.
-Psalm 23:1-3

For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
- Colossians 1:16-17 

These two passages stuck out to me over the past few days.

The fact that God has created us, guides us, and holds all things together . . . for His name's sake, His purposes. Our God has ways and thoughts that are far higher than our own . . . so much better and beyond imagination or anything we could ask.

I can rest there. 

I am not holding myself together, He is. 
I am not holding my small group, my family, my friends, my job, or my future together - He is.

And He is doing it for a greater purpose - it's for His name's sake.

That's a promise that I can hold fast to.

His purposes will never fail. He will never grow tired or weary. Nothing is beyond His control.

That is exceedingly greater than any purposes of my own design. Far greater than doing anything for my name's sake, for humanity's sake, for anyone else's sake.

When you know that the One who never fails and never grows weary is holding things together and working in your life . . . for His glory, you can let go. It's an absolutely stunning realization.

You can finally rest there.

it's ugly

I . . . am feeling frazzled.

Sometimes it helps to write out what's bothering you, then you can start to sort out your thoughts and see how silly your stressors are.

Well, I don't want to be human - I think that's my underlying problem.

I want to . . . (all today)

• wake up early in a good mood
• get all of my grocery shopping done
• cook for the week
• bake
• clean my house, or at least do all of my laundry
• get a good workout in
• be prepared for small group
• keep my budget under control
• read 2 or 3 books - or at least a chapter in each, right?
• spend a good amount of time with God
• did I mention working out? I also am analyzing everything I've eaten in the past 24 hours and that makes me feel a liiiiiitle more antsy about getting to the gym
• know that I'm honoring God with my life
• fix the pasta salad that may be irreparable 
• hmmm - I really should start working on that rosetta stone I see in the corner
• Where is my life going? What if I turn into the cat lady?
• I need to pursue holiness. What does that mean? Am I doing that?
• I'm worried about things outside of my control . . . I should work on that.
• I mean, I just want to be perfect . . . is that too much to ask?

I am rolling my eyes at myself. I want to just let go and relax, but for some reason I can't. Maybe if I realize that I'm not a robot that would help.

We weren't made to be perfect . . . God wants me to be human, to rest in Him, to abide in Him and quit trying to do it all on my own. Am I doing that? Some days I'm better than others. Today just happens to be an off day.

Everyone should read this book, that my friend so graciously has let me borrow (for almost a year, I have a problem with picking up things and not finishing them, hah)

Anyway, several things in it have really struck me today.

If Jesus needed to pray, how much more do we need to pray? (just think about it)

The longer you experience life, the longer you realize how you're not in control . . . and the more you realize your own dependence and desperation for God, it's actually freeing.

I live with this false sense of control and self-sufficiency . . . but once I am aware of how God is really in loving control, how nothing happens outside of His knowledge or sovereignty, it changes everything.

When you pray over a problem or surrender it to God, you are releasing that burden. That problem is no longer holding you captive, you are no longer bound by fear - you choose instead to trust Him. And who is more capable of handling your problems and your life? You or God?

Living in constant communication, constant dependence on God . . . that is what I long for. To know that He is in loving control - no problem is outside of His care, to trust that while I don't know the future or even have a hold on this present day, He does . . . and He promises to never leave or forsake us through it all.

"When you know that you (like Jesus) can't do life on your own, then prayer makes complete sense."

"You don't create intimacy; you make room for it. This is true whether you are talking about your spouse, your friend, or God. You need space to be together. Efficiency, multitasking, and busyness all kill intimacy. In short, you can't get to know God on the fly. If Jesus has to pull away from people and noise in order to pray, then it makes sense that we need to as well."

"You don't need self-discipline to pray continuously; you just need to be poor in spirit."
-Paul Miller

O God, you are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
    my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
    where there is no water.

 I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory. 

 Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands. 

 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

 On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night. 

 Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

^{-Psalm 63:1-8}

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

-Luke 12:6-7