September 13, 2009

I'm So Sick

All I truly know
Is isolation, self-damnation . . .
"Rabbits Are Roadkill On Route 37" - AFI

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this,
Empty bliss, selfishness
"I'm So Sick" - Flyleaf

Everybody knows about teenage angst, wizard angst, several other kinds of angst, but I am here to talk about something I'd call YP angst.

YP = Young Professional = single, out of undergrad and in your 20's.

We are young, without spouses or family. If we are employed, we haven't been at our job long enough to be truly committed.

Nothing is tying us down . . . which can open the door for loneliness and isolation.

I feel like I'm floating in the wind, without a home. It's amazing how you can feel completely and utterly alone in a crowded room.

Did I mention how awkwardness pervades this season of life?

I am so thankful for the community and friends God has given me. However, friends and roommates cannot have the same commitment and intimacy as a spouse and family.

If I wanted to drive to California tomorrow, no one would have to know. I could leave this area at any time. Would it even matter?

Satan knows me better than I give him credit for. He knows my weaknesses, and how easily I believe him when he tells me that I am alone, unloved and worthless.


On a more positive note, I would highly recommend having a roommate if you don't already. Talking to mine helped my emo cloud lift a little bit earlier today.

I do love the freedom and flexibility of being single. I do want to be part of a church plant, so being single opens doors that might not exist if I was married or had kids. However, there's no denying that I get in a funk about it from time to time.


  1. sarah! these are my thoughts (and words) exactly sooo much of the time. i talk about this a is SO easy to seemingly become distanced from the world around you in this stage of life. it was hard for me after college because i had that close community then...friends always right there, living with me, going to meals, classes, everywhere with me. takes much more of an effort to have people around me. the positive thing i get out of that is that i am learning how to be a friend. it was always convenient for me before, now i have to be intentional about community and close friendships. i think i'm also learning more about myself by having more alone/free time than ever. the negative is that, you're right, friends just can't be as close as one day a spouse and family will be, and the alone time is sometimes just overwhelmingly lonely. THAT is an ongoing struggle for me, but i am just now learning how important it is to be near to God for that reason. HE wants to be our first love.

    it's a difficult time of life in some aspects, but i think God has so much to teach us despite our frustration with it at times!

    love you sarah! i am catching up with your posts today, and i love your writing!


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