August 28, 2011

what the what

I'm just gonna throw it out there . . . I think that Christians are terrible at dating.

Ok, ok . . . maybe it's just me, maybe not all Christians are bad at dating . . . but I sure feel like the Bible is clear about certain topics (morality, marriage, child raising, salvation . . .) but we're left in the dark when it comes to dating.

Maybe it's because I'm looking for a list of rules or a certain protocol to follow (going back to my legalistic/type A sinful tendencies, whoops) and it's just not there.

Also, we (or, again, maybe just me) gravitate towards taking it a little too seriously. There's truly nothing wrong with getting to know someone through dating. Just because we hang out doesn't mean that there are wedding bells in the future. For the longest time, I've waited for the perfect person to drop in front of my face before I would even consider the idea of dating. Part of my problem is that I don't want to take a risk . . . I want to know that a potential relationship will be safe, or will definitely lead to something before I even will get to know the guy. It sounds crazy, right?

It goes back to trusting God . . . trusting that He is going to lead me where I need to be, even if the road is more winding, broken and rockier than I'd prefer. I want everything to be spelled out before I even begin the journey. I want a safe, predictable, easy path. Well, life doesn't work that way . . . and it's actually better that it doesn't. How boring is predictability? How would I ever learn anything if I didn't have to rely on God or take a step out in faith? Without struggle, how can we truly grow?

Sometimes I wish that I could wake up and magically be more patient or at peace with my circumstances. But these things take time . . . you don't learn a life lesson overnight, or even in a week (most of the time).

If I believe that the Gospel is true, and that God is who He says He is . . . then I know His character. I know that He is all I need for everlasting joy. Regardless of my circumstances. I know that He loves me regardless of what I've done or what I will do in the future . . . and that He has a loving control over my life, where He is working all things (even my sins, mistakes, and all the bad things) together for good. That means that He'll provide for my every need. He disciplines me to teach me patience, how to trust, how to deeply depend on Him every day. . .

But how does dating fit into this? I just feel like dating is so silly, and that it's unimportant. It's not like I'm dealing with a huge problem, a terminal illness, injustice, etc.

Sometimes I feel like God cares about the big issues, but silly little things like this, I'm left to figure out on my own.

But that doesn't make any sense, does it? Scripture says that He is our Father and that He loves us more than our earthly fathers can, and that He'll give us everything we need to have life to the full. So, that must mean that He loves us holistically and cares about every area of our lives . . .

To think that God doesn't care about this would take away from His character and His love.

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my mind around this.

Again, life lessons take time to process . . . and I can tell that I'm going to wrestle with this one for a bit.

August 26, 2011

Source: None via Kimberly on Pinterest

August 18, 2011

right thru me

You see right through me . . .

Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
This version of myself
I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I make will spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need

You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

-"Am I Understood" - Relient K

Sometimes I just need to rest in the knowledge of the Gospel.

Also that God knows me better than I know myself, and He is the only one who loves me unconditionally, the only one who understands me completely . . . the only one who can see right through me and still pursues me to no end.
That Jesus is the only one who offers soul security and that level of intimacy that I crave.

And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
-Deuteronomy 31:8

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
-Psalm 139:1-12

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
-Matthew 11:18-29

August 2, 2011


Oh, hello old friend. Here I am again, wrestling with you once more.

I find myself back in this struggle where I get frustrated because people don't respond to me or act the way I'd like them to. I must remember that people are messy and imperfect (and I'm one of them!) and they were never meant to meet the deepest needs of my soul.

While I know this and must return to this truth again, there's a difference between expecting someone to be perfect vs. desiring someone to be a good friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, role model, family member, etc. Does that make sense? I don't want to settle, but I also cannot expect perfection. There's a balance, I just don't know exactly what that looks like. I guess that's why God put friends and counsel in my life, to see outside of my cray cray thoughts and speak into my life.

So I get frustrated with people and choose to have a "whatever" attitude, listening to songs by Nicki Minaj, Pink, Beyonce, Ke$ha and Mariah as a defense mechanism . . . but then God reminds me that if He extended such grace and patience to me, how can I deny others of this love and generosity? Then I start to get back to where I need to be . . .

Aaaaanyway, that's only a part of what I wanted to get out of my system.

In light of eternity, nothing else seems to matter. Seriously. If the Bible is true, if there really is a heaven and hell and if God spared His son to bring us into His kingdom . . . and if one day we get to spend eternity with him, what can really touch us?

If you set your mind on the eternal, the struggles of this life seem so trivial and fleeting. Yes, you're going to have pain and plenty of trials, but Christ is walking with you through those things, and they can only do so much damage.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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