January 21, 2012


I woke up this morning, praise God, in a good mood.

Things have been weighing heavily on my mind/heart this week, and I know it's not over . . . but it's nice to have a good day in the mix.

What am I living for?

If God put me on this earth on purpose, am I living for that purpose? Am I on mission? If He is the only one who will not pass away, am I investing in His kingdom? Or am I investing my life in futile, temporary things?

Or am I just living for my own personal fulfillment or happiness? Am I being selfish?

Will anything I do have a lasting impact?

What am I doing?

January 16, 2012

every time . . .

I have been struggling these past few days . . . tonight I was trying to focus, about to hash out things with God, but this song keeps floating into my head every time I'm about to get serious.

But on a more serious note, a friend recalled this passage to me, which was very comforting in the midst of heartache:

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.
-John 10:28-29

January 15, 2012

hello alone

I am a crazy person.

I have been feeling discouraged lately . . . if God is sovereign, then why do people who were once in love with Him fall away? How can you go from believing the Gospel to becoming apathetic, or believing that all religions are valid and the only thing that counts is moralism?

Why do I run towards God when life doesn't make sense? Why do I hold fast to the Gospel when those around me no longer believe?

Seriously . . . I feel like a crazy person in those moments. And then I go through an array of emotions . . . and end up just feeling discouraged and sorrowful.

I don't understand why, if God is loving and sovereign, He allows his people to fade into passiveness and indifference. I know that God pursues relationships with people . . . so why does this happen?

I start to question God . . . a friend pointed me to Habakkuk 2, a book which I've heard called "the poor man's Job." hah. Similar situation . . . Habakkuk is questioning God's timing, and why He's allowing evil to flourish . . . God answers Him by basically saying that everything will happen at it's appointed time, and that He is in control. That is the suuuuper condensed and simplified version, so don't just take my word for it.

For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:3

I've heard it said that we look to God for explanation, and He gives us revelation of Himself.

I may never know the answers to my questions. There are some things that I just have to surrender to God . . . it basically comes down to trust. Do I trust God? Do I trust Him, that He is in control, even when things seem completely chaotic and don't make any sense at all? Do I trust in His timing, in His sovereignty, that His ways are far better than my own? Do I trust that He is who He says He is? Can I follow a God that doesn't always make sense to my human brain?

Definitely wrestling through these things . . . but it's a good thing.

January 14, 2012


It has been way, way, way too long since I've written on this blog.

I simultaneously love and hate the moments where you take a step back and re-evaluate where you are in life.

Well, I don't love it.

Recently, a few of my closest friends broke the news that they are moving, and I don't mean down the street . . . it's more like of opposite corners of the country.

I feel like I have been floating along in life and everything seemed (at least to me) perfect . . . I think that's right when things are due to change.

I generally hate change. The only time I like change is when I'm the one in control of it. Or when it's something new and exciting. This is not exciting, this hurts my heart.

My first reaction, was to panic and think - I will have no friends!! Or, I must find a husband, because then I will have a rock, and I will have someone in my life who won't move away!

Take a step back, Sarah - you're crazy. I already have a rock, and He is the only one who promises to never leave or forsake me. In theory, I know that I'll never be alone, but sometimes you just feel so utterly alone, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Old fears, old sin, resurfaces. My fear of being alone haunts me in those moments. It threatens my identity, my being right down to the core.

I know that God promises to walk by me throughout my life, but sometimes you feel like you're all alone in some vast ocean, grasping for something to hold onto, but there's nothing there. What am I trying to hold onto? I want to hold onto my circumstances, the people and the relationships in my life. I want to have a vice grip on those things . . . and I never want them to change! But God is calling me to something so much greater . . . to hold onto Him, the one true rock who will be faithful throughout every season.

Plus, why am I getting upset when I know that what these friends are facing is so much more than my own pain in losing them? I want to be supportive to them and encourage them as they make this transition.
Blog Design by Caked Designs