January 14, 2012


It has been way, way, way too long since I've written on this blog.

I simultaneously love and hate the moments where you take a step back and re-evaluate where you are in life.

Well, I don't love it.

Recently, a few of my closest friends broke the news that they are moving, and I don't mean down the street . . . it's more like of opposite corners of the country.

I feel like I have been floating along in life and everything seemed (at least to me) perfect . . . I think that's right when things are due to change.

I generally hate change. The only time I like change is when I'm the one in control of it. Or when it's something new and exciting. This is not exciting, this hurts my heart.

My first reaction, was to panic and think - I will have no friends!! Or, I must find a husband, because then I will have a rock, and I will have someone in my life who won't move away!

Take a step back, Sarah - you're crazy. I already have a rock, and He is the only one who promises to never leave or forsake me. In theory, I know that I'll never be alone, but sometimes you just feel so utterly alone, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Old fears, old sin, resurfaces. My fear of being alone haunts me in those moments. It threatens my identity, my being right down to the core.

I know that God promises to walk by me throughout my life, but sometimes you feel like you're all alone in some vast ocean, grasping for something to hold onto, but there's nothing there. What am I trying to hold onto? I want to hold onto my circumstances, the people and the relationships in my life. I want to have a vice grip on those things . . . and I never want them to change! But God is calling me to something so much greater . . . to hold onto Him, the one true rock who will be faithful throughout every season.

Plus, why am I getting upset when I know that what these friends are facing is so much more than my own pain in losing them? I want to be supportive to them and encourage them as they make this transition.

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