January 15, 2012

hello alone

I am a crazy person.

I have been feeling discouraged lately . . . if God is sovereign, then why do people who were once in love with Him fall away? How can you go from believing the Gospel to becoming apathetic, or believing that all religions are valid and the only thing that counts is moralism?

Why do I run towards God when life doesn't make sense? Why do I hold fast to the Gospel when those around me no longer believe?

Seriously . . . I feel like a crazy person in those moments. And then I go through an array of emotions . . . and end up just feeling discouraged and sorrowful.

I don't understand why, if God is loving and sovereign, He allows his people to fade into passiveness and indifference. I know that God pursues relationships with people . . . so why does this happen?

I start to question God . . . a friend pointed me to Habakkuk 2, a book which I've heard called "the poor man's Job." hah. Similar situation . . . Habakkuk is questioning God's timing, and why He's allowing evil to flourish . . . God answers Him by basically saying that everything will happen at it's appointed time, and that He is in control. That is the suuuuper condensed and simplified version, so don't just take my word for it.

For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:3

I've heard it said that we look to God for explanation, and He gives us revelation of Himself.

I may never know the answers to my questions. There are some things that I just have to surrender to God . . . it basically comes down to trust. Do I trust God? Do I trust Him, that He is in control, even when things seem completely chaotic and don't make any sense at all? Do I trust in His timing, in His sovereignty, that His ways are far better than my own? Do I trust that He is who He says He is? Can I follow a God that doesn't always make sense to my human brain?

Definitely wrestling through these things . . . but it's a good thing.

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