a few random things from the week

1. Happy Spring :) 

Let's hope that North Carolina gets the memo . . . these past two days have been wonderful, but I see a "wintry mix" predicted for this coming Tuesday. 

This past Tuesday, I was on my way to work when a pickup truck spun out right in front of me . . . crossing over two lanes of traffic while driving on I-40. So close, that his headlights were facing mine at one point and I was bracing for impact. Thank God that nothing happened, and not that many people were on the freeway at the time.

I think I just gave myself heart palpitations just remembering that incident :-/

2. Re-considering perfectionism . . .

Tuesday, I had a mini-meltdown at work. Witnessed by a few co-workers.

The unit had been insanely busy for the past 2-3 weeks and the week before last, all three shifts were bad. I left work late each day and I was starting to feel burned out.

So this past week, I had the mentality of - this week will be better! I just has to be. 

Tuesday I had two patients, one of which I didn't even get to assess until close to 10am. Which is disastrous, in my mind. (Nurses are supposed to assess both patients by 8am).

One patient was very busy but stable, and the other patient was unstable. I started off in my stable patient's room because he needed a lot of help.

I had left the room to get something and that's when I started to fall apart. I went in the clean utility room, grabbed a pack of insulin syringes and proceeded to fan my face with them, while gripping the side of the linen cart . . . trying to talk myself down . . . I will not cry, not gonna cry, not gonna cry . . . all the while thinking, this is insane - this week is going to be JUST like last week! This is awful!!

Well - so much for the pep talk. That never works. I felt so frazzled and crazy. I felt even worse because I never act like that at work anymore, so then I was apologizing for acting frazzled and stressed. 

I felt incompetent because I couldn't be in two places at once. I felt incompetent because I couldn't do the impossible.

I was telling one of my senior co-workers about how I was feeling, and she reminded me that nursing demands perfection.

I am not always cognizant of that, but it's true. There is no room for error, and we put the expectation on ourselves to be perfect. She told me that on days when it's insane, she tells people, "I'm going to do my best."

I think I need to adopt that. Instead of expecting perfection, especially on crazy days, I just need to do my best and stay calm. Because what else can you do, in those moments?

I just have to let go of the need to be perfect. It's going to be a process . . . please pray for me :)

3. Happy weekend :)

I made buttermilk pancakes yesterday for the first time in ages, and they were amazing. You can find the recipe here. 

I also slept past 7am both mornings and that is wonderful. 

I love being able to wake up slow and enjoy the morning. It's one of my very favorite things.

Happy Sunday!

Top O' The Morn

Good morning :) and Happy St. Patty's Day.

I am not wearing green, not baking anything green . . . so I thought I'd post a picture of my favorite salad these days (because at least that's green).

I can't stop making it. It has kale, roasted sweet potatoes, quinoa and craisins. You can find the recipe here. I also like to add sliced bosc pears for some extra awesome.

Today is off to a funny start. I had a rough time going to 5:45am cycle class last week due to the time change, but I went to my favorite class this morning and I feel OK. 

I called into a staff meeting at 7:30, but there was some technical difficulty going on. It just ended up being me and 3 other staff members chatting with one another for about 20 minutes, waiting for the problem to be fixed but it never got resolved. Oh well, what can you do. I am thankful that I like my co-workers, otherwise I wouldn't have found that entertaining :).

So here I am . . . finally writing a new post after a week (yikes!). My goal in blogging is to post 3-4 times a week, but clearly it didn't happen last week. It was just an insane, non-stop, stay at work late and then dream about work kind of week. I haven't had a week like that in a very, very long time. Here's to hoping that this week will be better.

Confession: I don't know how to slow down. Not only was the past week insane, the weekend was busy too. It was filled with good things - the gym, volunteering (but I volunteered so much that I didn't get to attend church), cooking, visiting old friends and family. 

This morning I remembered a sermon that my pastor did several weeks ago where he talked about how busyness can be a problem. We need balance, we need rest, we need time to process and hear from God and meditate on His Word. If we're too busy, we miss out on the most important thing - deepening our relationship with Him. Busyness can become dangerous.

I just need to block out some time this morning to spend with Him in quiet reflection, prayer and reading my Bible. Isn't it refreshing (and humbling) to know that we never get to a place in our lives where we don't need Him daily? The longer I walk with God, the more I am aware of how necessary that daily time is. We never get past needing His grace - and that is a comfort to me.

Here is a brief rundown of some adventures lately:

I saw this cake on a blog and I also remembered it from the Walter Mitty movie (super good, if you haven't already seen it!) . . . clementine cake. I decided to get started on the most time-consuming part of the recipe, boiling clementines for 2 hours (2 hours!). So strange, boiling citrus. I don't know when I will finish making the cake, but I suspect it's gonna be good.

I also decided to make chocolate mousse for a friend . . . for the first time from scratch. It didn't turn out so well on the first attempt. I was almost in tears after the chocolate seized up instead of melting smoothly.

Praise the Lord I had more chocolate and whipping cream on hand, so I started again - this time using a simpler recipe. It turned out really well - good thing, because I was out of chocolate at this point.

I have been wanting to read this book for a while, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It ties into what I posted last week - changing your perspective, cultivating contentment, having your eyes opened to the thousands of blessings you have even in the daily and mundane. 

However, I didn't realize that the first chapter would be suuuuper emotional because the author starts off, very descriptively, with tragedy that she's had in her life. You. Will. Need. Tissues. 

I am excited to read the book - I can tell it's going to be great. 

Happy Monday!!

five random loves

source

source

 

1. Macarons

I have become slightly obsessed with making macarons . . . ever since I tried them for the first time at La Farm, I was on a mission. Biscoff, red velvet, chocolate with vanilla buttercream . . . wondering what new flavor to make next :)

2. Miranda

My roommate discovered this British comedy. I am really particular about what shows I like, and this one won me over . . . I laugh out loud every time. It doesn't help that we watched all 18 episodes in a span of 7 days (thanks, hulu), but the episodes are still entertaining the second time around :)

3. Natalie Grant - Hurricane

I bought this album on a whim last Monday and I don't regret it one bit. I love Natalie Grant anyway, and this album is wonderful :)

4. A Pink Ladder

My mom surprised me at Christmas by not only buying me a badly needed stepladder, but also by sanding it down and painting it pink with glitter. ah ma-zing. It's wonderful to change your air filters without the fear of waking up in the neuro ICU with a head injury.

5. Sync Cycle

Ever since a co-worker told me about this, I've been hooked. Spin is my favorite workout and this takes it to the next level. It's the only reason I would dare to wake up at 5am on my days off. Insanity, yes . . . but I just love it.

Baking lately

unrequited friendship

it only looks unreciprocated . . . she knows I'm her favorite sister :)

Have you ever liked someone who didn't like you back?

It's called unrequited love.

Just to make sure I was using the right vocabulary, I googled it and here is what I found:

un·re·quit·ed

ˌənriˈkwītid/

adjective

adjective: unrequited

1.

(of a feeling, esp. love) not returned or rewarded.

synonyms:

unreciprocated, unreturned;

 I believe it's happened to all of us. You meet someone and think, I totally want to be friends with this person! . . . but they simply don't feel the same way.

Sometimes it even happens after you've been acquaintances or friends . . . after a while, you realize that you are genuinely more excited to see them and legitimately want a closer relationship when they are not interested.

Well, now what?

After you get over the hurt and disappointment of rejection, you can do several things. Or, you could refuse the rejection and just try to win the person over. (I don't think that usually works, though).

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and think . . . this isn't going to work because our personalities are too different (I've been told that I am "too high energy"), maybe the other person is too busy for new friends, etc. etc.

You could write that person off, become bitter . . . maybe you could decide that you don't want to reach out to anyone again. You could shut yourself off and nurse your wounds.

You could become defensive . . . or maybe you could become uber insecure, asking endless "why" questions and try to figure out, "what's wrong with me?"

Underneath all of this, what's really going on? When we feel this way, what's going on in our hearts?

You could call it "people pleasing," "fear of man," etc. . . but don't we all long for the approval of others? I want everyone to like me, even if I don't like them (and why do we feel this way?).

I read a book by Edward T. Welch called When People are Big and God is Small that helps to address this issue.

All of us are trying to fill the void in our hearts, and sometimes we want other people to fill that void. We want to feel loved, wanted, valued . . . and we try to get those things from other humans.

Ultimately, other people cannot hold that weight and power in your life. If you try to find all of your significance and worth from another person, you'll end up sucking the life out of them and crushing them.

Sometimes I feel like I need that person to like me or give me approval . . . but when I do, I am putting them and their opinion of me on a pedestal. I feel like I need them to like me and be my friend. I feel like I need their validation.

But after all, they are just another broken, flawed individual - just like me. What ultimately matters is this - does God approve of me? Does God love and accept me and give me worth, value and significance?

If we find everything we truly need in God, that frees us up to love other people and extend grace, rather than trying to squeeze the life out of them in order to have our needs met.

And what else? We can extend grace to that person who doesn't want to be our new BFF. We can free them from unrealistic expectations, we can let go of bitterness, we can be at peace with the situation. When we are finally filled with God's love, our needs are met in Him and that love then flows out of us to other people. It can be quite miraculous.

all along the interwebs

Good Morning!

Here is a random collection of things I have loved on the interwebs this week.

This is not normal . . . and one of the reasons why I love being a part of the Summit Church. Getting to witness how God is moving in big ways. So encouraging.

The best time to drink coffee, according to science. . . . whoops, I missed the mark on that one. I'm either a 5:45am or 7am coffee girl.

When to wash your winter gear
And how have I gone this far in life, washing my sweaters after every use? I never knew it was normal and socially acceptable to space it out. hmmm.

Christian Intermingle: Can We Date Outside the Faith?
I found this encouraging. Getting older, the waiting gets harder . . . and it's tempting to lower your standards in finding a mate. I need to be reminded that the wait is well worth it.

"To answer, it's important to take a step back and look at some principles found in Scripture. In Corinthians, Paul writes to a new group of Christians, who've asked him what's okay and not okay for them to partake in as believers in Christ. Paul then challenges the church not to simply ask, "Is it okay?" but instead to ask, "Is it beneficial?" (1 Cor. 10:23)."

when you're drowning in the shallow end of friendship - beautifully written, about the necessity of relationships and how our disappointments in those relationships point us back to Christ.

how to take better pictures with your phone I. need. to. work. on. this.

daily devotionals by John Piper there is also an app for this - one of my favorites lately.

and lastly, the cutest thing you might see today. seriously.

Five random loves

 

1. the crock pot!

Nothing says you're growing up like getting legitimately thrilled to get appliances for Christmas. But seriously - who doesn't love a practical gift?

2. Trader Joe's Speculoos Cookies.

These babies are sweet little pieces of goodness that are ground up to produce heaven in a jar, AKA cookie butter. (don't let me purchase this, it will be gone in a week). Perhaps the non-spreadable version will be a little healthier. Or so I will tell myself.

3. Stress-free butternut squash.

It's nice when you can enjoy the sweet, buttery deliciousness of this squash without risking your right arm/finger/sanity in prepping it for use.

4. Breaking Free from Strongholds by Dr. Eric Mason.

I was listening to this in my car today and it is filled with truth that I need to hear. Here are a few nuggets:

"You know you’re deep in a stronghold when you can’t see life beyond where you are. But . . . God doesn’t let your stronghold get in the way of him coming to you.

Salvation is about God coming after people who couldn’t come after him.

One of the beautiful things about encountering God is our mess doesn’t surprise him.   

I like the fact that God does not, when he comes around, just focus on our sins only. What an encounter with God is about is showing you what you must turn from and also whom you turn to. That’s very important in the gospel. And what’s beautiful about being in Christ is he not only shows you where you are, he calls you beyond where you’re not. He calls him a mighty man of valor.

God doesn’t see us merely where we are, but he sees us in what it looks like when he gets to us, and change happens.

That’s what I like about being in Christ: God is always pushing his people forward to be what he wants them to be and casting vision. If God just comes to us in our strongholds and doesn’t cast a vision of what we can be in him but only casts a vision of where we are, we’re in big, deep trouble."

All of this is such good news, especially since I have been feeling like and acting like a hot mess this past week. So thankful that God comes to us in our hot mess, walks with us, uses us and changes us so patiently and faithfully.

I was also reading a devo this morning that reminded me . . . no matter what tomorrow brings, God will still be God and He does not change. He is walking with you and will provide for you - He just calls us to trust Him one moment at a time. That sounds so simple, but in my moments of anxiety, I imagine the future as the worst possible scenario without God in the midst of it. 

5. Flowers . . . they always brighten an otherwise gloomy or sad day.

And I will leave with these lyrics from one of my favorite songs. Because I need to hear these words, and maybe you do too :)

I wake up to another day
I don't know if I can face
All the fears that are staring me down
I'm trying to be brave
But I'm a thread about to fray
I wanna stand but I don't know how

I look up and all I see is Your love holding me
When I feel like giving up
When my heart is hurt too much
Feels like I've reached the end
No, I won't turn and run
This battle will be won
When I've done all I can
I stand

Some days I lose my place
It's a fight to keep my faith
But You are with me, I am not alone, no
But all around my world gives way
Toss like an ocean wave
You are my rock and the storm clouds blow

On Your promise I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand

"Stand" Britt Nicole