July 25, 2011

this song is in my head right now and I lurve it

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

My small group is reading through Crazy Love by Francis Chan right now. One excerpt from this week's chapter was very challenging (well, the whole book is challenging, which is one of the reasons that I love it) . . . a quote from John Piper, and I'm going to post it:

The critical question for our generation - and for every generation - is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?

John Piper, from God Is The Gospel
Can we seriously consider this question?

Am I honestly so in love with Christ that I am secure in Him alone, not in anything of this world, or of the blessings he graciously shows me daily?

I want to only fall more deeply in love with him as time passes, and for my life to shout of worship . . . I want to be completely enamored and fulfilled in Him alone.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2

July 19, 2011

Anchors away

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
-1 James 1:2-5

So many things in this life are uncertain. Just think about it.

Especially when it comes to people. and the future.

Whether it's a friendship, friend groups, relationships, current circumstances or stage of life, wherever you are right now - nothing is guaranteed, and things seem to constantly shift. Even if you fight against it.

I hate the pain of rejection - but then again, who really doesn't? I'm one of those people that wants everyone to get along all of the time and wishes everyone could be BFF's . . . my sister told me that I'm a pacifist, and I think she's right.

Anyway, I was thinking about the uncertainty in relationships and the fear that accompanies vulnerability . . . in addition to the fear that latches itself onto the relationships that you have with friends and family - what if this person moves, what is something disastrous happens to them, etc. etc. (ultimately the fear of losing loved ones, or the fear of being hurt by them)

J.D. preached an awesome sermon on fear a few weeks ago, and it came to mind.

It's times like these, when these fears or insecurities threaten to jar my spirit that God reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him.

Even if I am rejected, disliked, hurt by those from whom I crave relationship, my ultimate security and validation is not found in people. It doesn't change the fact that these things still hurt and still upset me, but I am reminded that my God will never let me go. That I am secure in His grasp, even if others turn away from me.

He has promised to never leave or forsake us, and when God makes a promise, He keeps it. God is not fickle, He is just, true and holy. Scripture even says that it is impossible for Him to lie, and that our hope is anchored in Him. (Hebrews 6:17-20)

Nothing can separate us from His love . . . He is immensely faithful and remains the same, when I am all over the charts, emotional, and doubtful.

People will ultimately disappoint us in some way or fashion - we're human, after all. We weren't meant to find lasting satisfaction, joy or fulfillment in anything or anyone other than God - no human can fulfill your soul's longings. I promise that if you get to know me, I will disappoint you too. I hate to admit it, but I'm just not perfect ;).

If I am anchored to God and His word, then I won't be as devastated by the things of this world that let me down or don't work out the way I want them to.

If I am secure in His love, then I won't rely on a friend, family member, or spouse's love to be perfect. I can in return love more fully, forgive more fully and have a generous spirit if I truly grasp the Gospel.

Like I mentioned before, it still hurts to be let down or rejected, but you know what? Romans 8:28 says that God is working everything together for our good, and I believe that. God works through painful circumstances daily to bring us closer to Him and to reveal Himself. It's called sanctification. In the pain of our struggles and trials, God is working a greater purpose.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
-Romans 8:38-39
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . .
-Isaiah 49:15-16

July 14, 2011


It has been way too long since I've posted . . . so this may not be very eloquent.

One of my best friends from college who I don't get to see too often came to visit today. I love hanging out with her. It's always amusing how we can stand each other because we are basically opposites.

Anyhow, as expected, we got to reminiscing about college and we were looking through pictures (we took more pictures than normal people, I'm sure), videos, etc. of those years. It's always a little bittersweet because I still miss those days. I miss the friendships I had in college, I miss the tight community that only the college environment and groups like InterVarsity can provide. I miss random trips to the beach at 10pm (and later), having energy at late late hours, crazy roommates (and random escapades like ER visits near midnight), small group, retreats, road trips to see favorite bands, and basically everything except the schoolwork . . .

I wish that I could have that kind of community now, but life is just different and community is different once you're removed from the college atmosphere. I think that I also found comfort, security and validation in the relationships I had in college, and I want to find that again. I know that humans are not meant to give that kind of validation to other humans, that's a void only God can fill. It was just easy during those years to allow other people to give me that secure feeling, if that makes sense.

I was reading Psalm 139 today, and was just reminded of this . . . we long to be known and loved, and how God fulfills both of those needs perfectly. I want to look to Him for my soul's longing this way.

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-18

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself
"Stars" Switchfoot
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