stars

It has been way too long since I've posted . . . so this may not be very eloquent.

One of my best friends from college who I don't get to see too often came to visit today. I love hanging out with her. It's always amusing how we can stand each other because we are basically opposites.

Anyhow, as expected, we got to reminiscing about college and we were looking through pictures (we took more pictures than normal people, I'm sure), videos, etc. of those years. It's always a little bittersweet because I still miss those days. I miss the friendships I had in college, I miss the tight community that only the college environment and groups like InterVarsity can provide. I miss random trips to the beach at 10pm (and later), having energy at late late hours, crazy roommates (and random escapades like ER visits near midnight), small group, retreats, road trips to see favorite bands, and basically everything except the schoolwork . . .

I wish that I could have that kind of community now, but life is just different and community is different once you're removed from the college atmosphere. I think that I also found comfort, security and validation in the relationships I had in college, and I want to find that again. I know that humans are not meant to give that kind of validation to other humans, that's a void only God can fill. It was just easy during those years to allow other people to give me that secure feeling, if that makes sense.

I was reading Psalm 139 today, and was just reminded of this . . . we long to be known and loved, and how God fulfills both of those needs perfectly. I want to look to Him for my soul's longing this way.

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-18

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself
"Stars" Switchfoot