a few random things from the week

1. Happy Spring :) 

Let's hope that North Carolina gets the memo . . . these past two days have been wonderful, but I see a "wintry mix" predicted for this coming Tuesday. 

This past Tuesday, I was on my way to work when a pickup truck spun out right in front of me . . . crossing over two lanes of traffic while driving on I-40. So close, that his headlights were facing mine at one point and I was bracing for impact. Thank God that nothing happened, and not that many people were on the freeway at the time.

I think I just gave myself heart palpitations just remembering that incident :-/

2. Re-considering perfectionism . . .

Tuesday, I had a mini-meltdown at work. Witnessed by a few co-workers.

The unit had been insanely busy for the past 2-3 weeks and the week before last, all three shifts were bad. I left work late each day and I was starting to feel burned out.

So this past week, I had the mentality of - this week will be better! I just has to be. 

Tuesday I had two patients, one of which I didn't even get to assess until close to 10am. Which is disastrous, in my mind. (Nurses are supposed to assess both patients by 8am).

One patient was very busy but stable, and the other patient was unstable. I started off in my stable patient's room because he needed a lot of help.

I had left the room to get something and that's when I started to fall apart. I went in the clean utility room, grabbed a pack of insulin syringes and proceeded to fan my face with them, while gripping the side of the linen cart . . . trying to talk myself down . . . I will not cry, not gonna cry, not gonna cry . . . all the while thinking, this is insane - this week is going to be JUST like last week! This is awful!!

Well - so much for the pep talk. That never works. I felt so frazzled and crazy. I felt even worse because I never act like that at work anymore, so then I was apologizing for acting frazzled and stressed. 

I felt incompetent because I couldn't be in two places at once. I felt incompetent because I couldn't do the impossible.

I was telling one of my senior co-workers about how I was feeling, and she reminded me that nursing demands perfection.

I am not always cognizant of that, but it's true. There is no room for error, and we put the expectation on ourselves to be perfect. She told me that on days when it's insane, she tells people, "I'm going to do my best."

I think I need to adopt that. Instead of expecting perfection, especially on crazy days, I just need to do my best and stay calm. Because what else can you do, in those moments?

I just have to let go of the need to be perfect. It's going to be a process . . . please pray for me :)

3. Happy weekend :)

I made buttermilk pancakes yesterday for the first time in ages, and they were amazing. You can find the recipe here. 

I also slept past 7am both mornings and that is wonderful. 

I love being able to wake up slow and enjoy the morning. It's one of my very favorite things.

Happy Sunday!