Broken

Last night, I had one of those dreams that are so scary, they wake you up.

Lynn & I were about to go to Central Asia to do missions work, and I thought to myself - I should tell my parents where I'm going, that way if something happens at least they'll know . . . but it's not like they'll be able to come over here and rescue me . . . but I didn't tell them.

The next thing I know, we were over there and this huge dude comparable to Andre The Giant grabbed both of us by the wrist and asked why we were over there . . . I had to lie and tell him that we were just over there as tourists on vacation. Then of course, he takes us away, and I remember looking at Lynn like - "oh crap, what do we do now?" and not being able to talk to her about it. And I remember thinking - I should've told my parents where we were going.

Then we were in the hallway near a big room, like we were outside of a high school gym or something . . . and I was wondering what was going to happen next. There were other people there by now, and then this huge door opens to the gym and there are all these people inside of it, and they start talking about how they're going to slice people's arms open (probably ours). I remember thinking - holy crap, this stuff only happens in movies, but now it's real . . . and wondering if torture was going to make me lose my faith.

That's when I woke up.

Can I just tell you HOW THANKFUL I was to wake up in my room, in North Carolina, in USA? I hate it when you wake up and you forget where you are . . . and it takes you a few minutes to realize that your dream was actually a dream, not real life.

I just thanked God that it wasn't real . . . and that I live in a place where I'm free to worship, free to pray in public, free to talk about my faith in public . . . and that being tortured or kidnapped is not something that I have to walk around fearing on a regular basis.

And it makes me feel so spoiled. I take this stuff for granted EVERY day. I walk around and forget about the freedoms that I have.

I also get distracted by the day-to-day stuff . . . I turn to things other than God for security, value and worth. I get lethargic in my walk with Him, and lose that fire and passion. I forget my first love. It's so easy to walk around and forget that you need a Savior EVERY day. It's not just a one-time deal and you wander around the rest of your life alone.

Every. Single. Day. I need someone to save me from myself and from everything.

This dream also made me wonder - what would happen if I did get tortured for my faith? Or if I had to watch someone I love get tortured for their/my faith? What would I do? Would I remember what Paul says in Romans about NOTHING in this life being able to separate us from the love that is in Christ . . . and how to die is gain? Would I think about Paul in prison, singing worship songs? Would I remember David talking about how God's love is better than life itself? Or would I be so caught up in the pain that I would forsake everything?

Once again, I am reminded that I need a Savior every single day . . . and that I'm more saturated with sin than I like to acknowledge.