December 18, 2009

an addendum to bitterness

This is an addendum to the post titled "hide and seek" . . .

And let me start by stating that I have no original thoughts. Just in case that wasn't known.

It's so easy for me to become bitter and cynical when I am in a period of waiting, or when something in life has disappointed me. In this case, it's guys and my desire for relationship and marriage.

Plus, when all you've known is a failed relationship, when all you see is guys that are not interested or just too immature . . . when all I know about sex is what the media portrays (and clearly, it's very unattractive) . . . when I have a million fears about relationships (which I'm sure consist of a lot of misconceptions) . . . it's so easy to become angry and frustrated.

Maybe I just haven't seen enough of what it's supposed to look like (a healthy relationship/marriage), or maybe I'm just becoming hardened by a period of waiting.

God is going to provide, whether that means one day getting married, or that He will give me peace about the whole thing and take my desire for marriage away.

In the meantime, how do I prevent this process that has already started? Well, J.D.'s message last week stuck out to me on the issue of waiting and bitterness.

What if there was a purpose to the waiting? What if it's not by chance or an accident that I'm single? What if God is developing me, shaping me, working though I don't realize it . . . and that there are crucial things about me He needs to change in this season of my life?

Am I going to harbor bitterness or trust God with my future?

If I become tired of waiting on God and take things into my own hands, I could be aborting work that God is doing in me right now.

Plus . . . I need some strengthening of my faith. If I'm not firm in my faith, I will not be firm at all (Isaiah 7:9).

. . . if I'm not more firm in my faith, how can I say no to bitterness?

I need to relax and remember that God is never late. He is in complete, loving control of our lives - over our paths, over our provision, over our desires and hopes and dreams. I need to surrender my bitterness and trust that what He intends for my life is far better than anything I can try to come up with . . . whether that involves marriage or not.

Sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is to rest in Him . . . and to know how much He loves us and is sovereign over every situation.

Just to know that God is doing something in each of our lives . . . to have faith and confidence in that . . . to quit trying to fit the puzzle pieces of life together on our own efforts . . . just to rest, and trust.

1 comment:

  1. Sarah, thanks for posting this. JD's sermon really struck a chord with me, too. It's like I can just picture myself in a waiting room with God and I don't even know what I am waiting for. But I am so enamored with the thought of trying to figure out what is behind the door that seperates me from the waiting space that I am completely ignoring the fact that I am in a room with God. Who cares what is behind the door? I am right where I need to be now. If I can't appreciate what is waiting right in front of me (God Himself) then how will I ever be able to appreciate what waits on the other side of the door? That might not make any sense because it is pretty much a thought still being born, but thanks for your writing. It was an encouragement to me.


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