je ne sais pas

So . . . I am of course still thinking about how bored and pointless my life seems right now.

I was thinking about it today and trying to surrender these thoughts to God, and I just really feel like He's telling me, "Seek Me, get to know Me before you worry about everything else."

And honestly, I want my life to honor God. I want my life to be worship to Him in response to what He's done for me.

And . . . it's completely logical for me to get to know Him before I try to take on the world and get preoccupied with life. How can I do what He wants me to, if I don't even know His heart? And who's to say He's not preparing me for something I can't see or testing my patience right now.

If J.D.'s sermon on Sunday about Esther taught me anything, it's about God's sovereignty. How He will accomplish His purposes and His plans . . . and how he uses our mistakes and circumstances to do so if we're willing. I really would love to know beyond a doubt that I am here for a reason, in my circumstances for some kind of purpose. To know that I'm where I am "for such a time as this." (Esther 4:14)

But first and above everything, God calls us to seek Him. The first and greatest commandment is to know Him and love Him with everything (Matthew 22:37-38).

I know that He will grow me, sanctify me and use me if I'm seeking Him and willing. After all, He promises to do so in scripture (Phil 1:6).

Sanctification is like . . . I thought of this phenomenal analogy today as I was driving home from the gym. I used to drink diet coke like it was water. Seriously. Ever since my freshmen year of college, I would drink at least 1-2 a day and my body craved it if I didn't get my daily dose. I could even put away a 2-liter in less than 12 hours if I felt like it. I decided a few months ago that it probably wasn't good to constantly pump artificial sweeteners and extra caffeine into my system, so I decided to give it up. It was really hard at first and I wanted to punch my fist through the wall the first day sans diet coke, but by the end of the week I felt absolutely fabulous . . . and I still have it every now and then, but hardly ever.

I quit craving it. Now, I honestly crave water (it sounds weird, trust me . . . I used to hate drinking only water, but now I love it) . . . and I was craving water when I left the gym, so maybe that's why I thought of this analogy.

Anyway, Sanctification is like craving water. God changes our hearts so that we begin to think like Him and desire what He desires. Instead of our selfish desires (like diet coke), we start to take on His desires (like water) . . . and He uses that for His purposes. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, that's all I got. Not to say that I've figured out my current dilemma, but that there's hope in the midst of confusion and chaos.