September 27, 2010

25 going on 26

Oh. my.

I remember in college when it was unheard of to go to bed at 11pm because it was too early. I remember staying up until at least 1am every night, no matter how early I had to get up for work or class the next day.

Now here I am, age 25, getting cross-eyed at 10:30pm out of tiredness.

what is going on??!!

Anyway, I was thinking today . . . what is the point?

Sometimes I just feel so bored with life, I start to question my purpose, I question if I'm doing anything worthwhile, why am I here? I just feel like my life is so random and pointless.

I was watching Iron Man last night and one of the characters tells Tony Stark not to waste his life. I know it's totally cheesy, but it made me think.

I really don't want to waste my life. I don't want to live for myself, and I want to have purpose.

I just wonder if there's a reason that my life is so seemingly uneventful, or if I'm to blame for mediocrity and the boredom that I encounter. Is God teaching me something in this season, or am I just not living to my potential?

I just have a hard time trying to understand this. I also have a hard time understanding God's sovereignty. If I know that the creator of the universe is in control and in the details of my life, then I can rest, knowing that He's calling the shots. I can rest knowing that there is purpose to even the seemingly boring periods.

And yet, I must admit that I'm content where I am right now. I just haven't seen crazy dramatic things happen lately so maybe that's why I'm questioning purpose.

But I still struggle with wondering if I'm missing out on something, if God wants to do something through me that I'm just too blind, disobedient or ignorant to see.

I don't really know what to do with this other than to lay it at His feet and trust in His timing. I don't know what to do during this season than to seek Him and try to get to know Him better, even when I don't understand the details of my life. To trust that He is sovereign. To know that He is infinite and operates on an eternal time line, while I am finite and have a limited point of view.

This is my Father's world
Let me never forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong
God is the ruler yet


  1. It's sounding like we are all kind of there. Heather is re-reading the book Don't Waste Your Life--I think I'm going to start it too. And I don't think any of us are wasting our life...I think we all make an impact somehow whether at work or volunteering or in friendships, but I think it's like you said, we're all THIS it? I think we all want to do something crazy for God and it's not happening. And we're single and pretty flexible, which I think frustrates the feeling a lot of the time b/c we know we have the freedom to pick up and do something if we really wanted. But then there's the problem of "where do I go? what exactly does God want me to DO?" And like you said, here and now is comfortable.

    I like your thought - we need to lay it down. If we really want to hear God's voice we need to be silent and listen for it. Of course we need to take action at times too, and not be afraid of biting the bullet, but in the waiting period, we need to trust that God will reveal His plans for us in time. We don't usually see the waiting period as a blessing, but it really really can be...I know that having you as a friend has been a huge blessing and I am seriously so grateful for it. To me, it's proof that God is totally looking out for me and loves me - putting friends like you in my life. :)

  2. you are too sweet! And I'm so so so glad to have you in my life, lady! Thanks for reading and for your encouragement :-D


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