it's ugly

I . . . am feeling frazzled.

Sometimes it helps to write out what's bothering you, then you can start to sort out your thoughts and see how silly your stressors are.

Well, I don't want to be human - I think that's my underlying problem.

I want to . . . (all today)

• wake up early in a good mood
• get all of my grocery shopping done
• cook for the week
• bake
• clean my house, or at least do all of my laundry
• get a good workout in
• be prepared for small group
• keep my budget under control
• read 2 or 3 books - or at least a chapter in each, right?
• spend a good amount of time with God
• did I mention working out? I also am analyzing everything I've eaten in the past 24 hours and that makes me feel a liiiiiitle more antsy about getting to the gym
• know that I'm honoring God with my life
• fix the pasta salad that may be irreparable 
• hmmm - I really should start working on that rosetta stone I see in the corner
• Where is my life going? What if I turn into the cat lady?
• I need to pursue holiness. What does that mean? Am I doing that?
• I'm worried about things outside of my control . . . I should work on that.
• I mean, I just want to be perfect . . . is that too much to ask?

I am rolling my eyes at myself. I want to just let go and relax, but for some reason I can't. Maybe if I realize that I'm not a robot that would help.

We weren't made to be perfect . . . God wants me to be human, to rest in Him, to abide in Him and quit trying to do it all on my own. Am I doing that? Some days I'm better than others. Today just happens to be an off day.