August 13, 2012

it's ugly

I . . . am feeling frazzled.

Sometimes it helps to write out what's bothering you, then you can start to sort out your thoughts and see how silly your stressors are.

Well, I don't want to be human - I think that's my underlying problem.

I want to . . . (all today)

  • wake up early in a good mood
  • get all of my grocery shopping done
  • cook for the week
  • bake
  • clean my house, or at least do all of my laundry
  • get a good workout in
  • be prepared for small group
  • keep my budget under control
  • read 2 or 3 books - or at least a chapter in each, right?
  • spend a good amount of time with God
  • did I mention working out? I also am analyzing everything I've eaten in the past 24 hours and that makes me feel a liiiiiitle more antsy about getting to the gym
  • know that I'm honoring God with my life
  • fix the pasta salad that may be irreparable 
  • hmmm - I really should start working on that rosetta stone I see in the corner
  • Where is my life going? What if I turn into the cat lady?
  • I need to pursue holiness. What does that mean? Am I doing that?
  • I'm worried about things outside of my control . . . I should work on that.
  • I mean, I just want to be perfect . . . is that too much to ask?
I am rolling my eyes at myself. I want to just let go and relax, but for some reason I can't. Maybe if I realize that I'm not a robot that would help.

We weren't made to be perfect . . . God wants me to be human, to rest in Him, to abide in Him and quit trying to do it all on my own. Am I doing that? Some days I'm better than others. Today just happens to be an off day.

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